I have a funny relationship with opinions. I'm a pretty opinionated person--and those few who are close to me are never spared from hearing my take on things--but when I saw "few," I'm really saying, like maybe two people. Of course I'm close with family and some friends, but I've developed this habit of keeping my mouth shut and putting others' comfort ahead of my own.
When I was younger, I didn't really have a filter. This no doubt made me seem more impulsive, spontaneous, and possibly more interesting. But just as it rallied people behind me, it made some people dislike me. I was even told that I was annoying! Imagine that. If you know me now, I doubt "annoying" is something that you'd call me. I fancy myself agreeable, pleasant, and mild. I set people at ease if I'm one of many guests; however, I make people uncomfortable if I'm the only guest because there's no smooth volley of conversation. I've become so conditioned to not rock the boat socially, that I've forgotten how to inject myself into a conversation.
My opinions rage inside me. I look forward to being an elderly person because there's this idea that you don't care anymore about how other people perceive you. It's ridiculous, I know. Age shouldn't determine when you're allowed to live life fully.
I just finished watching the Democratic National Convention. It's fascinating to see everyone yap it out on social media. Some people boldly state their positions. Others go on the attack and paint their opinions on others' fb walls. It horrifies me to imagine owning so much of myself that it spills over and threatens to invade someone else's personal space. And then I realize, my personal space has already been taken over, hijacked by people who deem my pleasant, mild demeanor a mere background prop to their stage.
I'll try to navigate how to state my opinions and assert myself, but it's hard. I don't like how it seems permanent, like I'm not allowed to change my mind once the thought is out there. And people can summon so much rage that it seems draining to battle people in the cyber sphere.
Anyway, I'm inspired. Here's to hoping a spark of courage ignites the fire.